Sexy Tea Kettle
by Girl in My Mirror Is Crying
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto have gotten themselves in a pickle and don't know how to hash it out. So, they ask Judge Judy for some assistance. Warning: kinky as Chōji's pinky.
1. Chapter 1

You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real, the cases are real, the rulings are final. This is her courtroom. This is Judge Judy.

"Uchiha vs. Uzumaki. Step forward please." Officer Byrd said with a strained expression on his face like he was severely constipated and letting lil goobers roll out his butthole in his Huggies pull-ups.

Sasuke Barbara-Anne Uchiha walked up to the stand. He was wearing his finest baby pink teddy with feather trimmings and fish-net stockings and kitten heels. Naruto Thelma Uzumaki was only wearing a thong and nipple pasties. The nigga wasn't even wearing socks. He preferred cocks.

Judge Judy entered the room, her black robe flowing around her as she ascended from the firey depths of the men's section at Kohl's. She lifted up the gown to show that she was wearing a brown corset, a crotchless thong, thigh high stockings, and ten inch stripper heels that even Courtney Stodden would be ashamed to wear. The whole courtroom immediately started projectile vomiting everywhere. Judy then turned around and spread her bumpy buttcheeks that had the same texture as a Nestlé Crunch bar and started twerking. People were screaming like they were actors in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and they rushed out the mothafuckin door.

"Okay, so Mr. Coochie-ha - according to these stupid-ass papers you're suing the piece of shit defendant for $5,000 because he used your toilet and forgot to flush." Judge Judy said as she ate bird seed out of a mug. She crunched heavily on the hard kearnels- it made her old ass jaw pop like Mary Poppin's collar. "And Mr. Ooh-zoo-monkey, your stupid Kraft macaroni and cheese-headed anus says that it wasn't your fecal pellet inside the toilet."

Naruto gave an ethusiastic thumbs up and farted as he said, "That's correct, sir. He always gets his thong in his prostate whenever I annihilate him at a game of Eels and Escalators so I throrougly believe he planted the boo-boo as a form of revenge."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WORM!" Judge Judy screamed so loud that her dentures flew out of her mouth and impaled itself on one of the spikes in Naruto's hair.


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto's lips puckered like a butthole during a rectal exam you'd most likely get because you felt a weird bump down there when you were playing with your asshole in front of a webcam on Omegle. So, instead of buying an expensive yellow drum set, you'll have to spend it on Algebra classes because your brain is lacking a few million cells. He pulled a watermelon flavored Gusher from the crotch of his thong and inspected it. It had a few blond pubes attached to it. Weird, considering Naruto dyed his pubic hair green a few weeks prior. And he got this thong from the thrift store next to a gas station. Nothing shady about that. He popped the Gusher into his mouth and smiled like a smug old man watching a loaf of bread bake softly in the oven.

"Excuse me, Ms. New Booty," Naruto said, his lips crackling like a sexy bottle of A1 steak sauce. "But, I do believe you are in no position to be telling me what to do. Literally. Get on your hands and knees and let me inspect your wrinkled onion ring."

"I'd rather slide down a slide of razor blades and land into a pool of rubbing alcohol. Now keep those loose pussy lips that you call a mouth SHUT OR I WILL STAPLE YOUR SAGGY NIPPLES TO MY DESK!" she screamed so loud that it echoed off the walls and caused the ceiling to crack but the ceiling was rotting due to water damages anyway. "Now, Uchiha Billy Ray Sasuke, please give your version of the events that proceeded the incident."

Immediately, Sasuke's sensitive anus started tearing up. It was his time of the month and he was feeling extra emotional. "Okay, Sasuke-kun, you're a big girl now. You can do this." he whispered shakily to himself. He pulled out his strawberry scented Hello Kitty tissue paper and daintly wiped the tears that streamed down his sexy eyes. "Well, my dick was softer than a jet-puffed marshmallow. I went to my bathroom to use my bidet and I saw what I originally thought was a rotten banana on the toilet lid."

"I OBJECT!" Naruto screeched louder than the wheels of a car being driven by a Japanese person spinning on asphalt gearing up to be first in line for a sale on seaweed burritos.

"Officer Byrd Tyrd, throw that mothafucka out of my courtroom, NOW!" Judge Judy screamed like the narrator on Forensic Files.


End file.
